Asking for Help Is An Art. Here Are The Secrets On How To Ask For Help

‘By asking for help you are not weak, it’s not anything like that, it’s just allowing somebody else to give their gift.’ ~ Marjean Holden~

Nobody can do everything by themselves; even when it may look that way on first sight; we all need somebody at one point in our lives. Due to all the propaganda, as: empower yourself, you can do it and only strong people can do it by themselves, the society created a vision that if you ask for help you are weak and incompetent to do the task.

But THAT is not true, the secret lies in the 2 parts on HOW you ask for help. The first part is the way you ask : there is a genuine way off asking and a needy whining way of asking for help. If you ask in a genuine way, you truly believe that the other has something to contribute to your project, conversation or to your welfare.

Great managers are using the: turn to, enlist, reach out, recruit or approach technique to get the best people for that important project. The same technique can be used in a more personal setting; with these methods, you look for cooperation from the other.

When you run to, beg, look to, call in a favor and come running it is a needy way of asking for help. Often this will turn people off because those systems come across a manipulation and it looks like you don’t validate the other persons time.

For the second part off great asking, you need to keep the next 5 points in mind:

1. It is your responsibility to ask: People are not mind readers and can’t determine when or if you need help. It is therefore up to you to reach out and ask for what you need. It is smart to first try it your self before you ask assistance. This creates un understanding that you truly tried but it is not your strength.

2. Be clear on the task you want help with: Be specific in your request, words like ‘sometimes’, ‘whenever’ or ‘if it suites you’ are vague and too open ended. For example: ‘can you pick me up from the airport?’ is to vague but if you say: ‘can you pick me up from the Toronto airport on October 24 at 2.00pm Terminal 3?’ then you give clear direction on what you are looking for.

3. Pick the right person for the task: Don’t ask a friend who hates plants to help you in the garden, or pick you up from the airport when they don’t have a car. Match your requests with people who would love to do the chore.

4. Be realistic in what you are asking: Don’t ask for something you wouldn’t be willing to do for that person. That is a great gage on what you can ask from you friends, family or co-worker; keep in mind you may be willing to do more for one than for the other and that works the other way around as well.

5. Consider the timing of your request: Everybody has his/ her own lives with daily demands, if possible give people a timeframe you need help with ahead of time. This is curtesy and respect for someone else’s agenda and life.

When you remember the two parts of asking for help and you implement them; you will notice that the people around you are more than willing to help you. Not only that, but are more than eager to lend you a hand. You want to know the secret?

By calling up on them you ask them to share their gift with you, whatever that gift maybe; time, expertise or their physical strength. They feel included, important in your life; as long as the asking is done in a respectful, humbling and honest way, people will response to that.

How good are you with helping others? In what way do you share your gifts with the world around you? Because, in the end, life is all about giving and receiving, but it is important that we do this in the right way. When we give and receive with respect, honesty and sincerity everybody wins and that is the power of working together.

Ellen Nyland is a Transitions Coach who helps Family and Individuals navigate the big and small forks in the road of life. Contact Ellen Nyland.