7 Terrible Reasons To Get Married (That Are More Common Than You'd Think!)
It's summertime which often means it’s love & marriage season.
Wedding invitations are coming in; and you may feel left out or become envy of the whole wedding experience. This feeling can make you say yes to a proposal, and jump into a marriage that ultimately is challenged from the start.
You can have the best intentions when you enter into the marriage, but after being married for over 31 years myself I can guarantee you that intentions alone are not enough. You have to work on the relationship every day. That means listen to each other's needs, accept each other for who you are, and it is okay to say that you don't like certain behaviour. You are honest in your relationship when you say: I love you but I don't like you very much in this moment because this behaviour is not acceptable.
So, being married is hard enough but if you get married for the wrong reasons it can be hell on earth ( for both of you) Now what are terrible reasons to get married?
Fear of loneliness: You see friends around you getting a partner/ married and you feel left behind, therefore you settle and accept the first person as your partner who pays attention to you and confuse the attention you receive as love.
The idea of happily ever after; only for romantic reasons: Harlequin romances always end when the couple declares their love, however in real life the journey is then just starting. You have to figure out how to co-exist; deal with money, how to raise the children, housework and time management. Put self-care, hobbies, sex, intimacy and connecting with each other on top of that, and you see that it is more complicated than the books and movies tell you.
Expectations from family and friends: You are in a relationship now for say 6 months and already people start to assume you’re thinking wedding bells. Due to the comments they make you get swept away in the novelty of the idea of marriage that gives you the idea that you CAN'T wait to start the married life without knowing all the not so flattering habits of your partner.
Physical attraction only: Of course chemistry in a relationship is very important, but not the only factor, you just have to have more in common then sex. Think about this, you can't have sex 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. With that in mind ask yourself: Do I want to sleep with this person ( mostly you will say yes to that one). And now ask yourself : Do I want to wake up next to this person for the rest of my life?
Biological ticking clock: You love children but you haven't found your match in heaven in your twenties, but you really want children? This can make you settle with a partner you may like, but not necessary truly love and want to spent the rest of your live with. Therefore you marry for children and not because you want this person as a partner for life.
Economical and legal reasons: This may sound calculated and that you are a gold digger, but that is not what I mean. It is just that there are scenarios that it is more economical or of legal benefit to being married: for example your partner is in the army and will be deployed, you have a business together or it is cheaper to share the living cost .
Stage of life you are in: All your friends are getting married and you feel left behind. Friends want to see friends happy and if that means married in their mind, they will talk about how wonderful marriage is and peer pressure you into saying YES! ( Naturally that is NOT their intention to pressure you, but that is what is happening)
The pink cloud of being newlyweds will wear of pretty soon after the "I do's " and reality is taking place. In time you can see what marriage entails and how complicated it is to love and live with someone without losing your own identity.
That's why there is only one great reason to get married and that is you want a permanent connection with your best friend/ partner in crime from who you can tolerate the dirty socks, the farting in bed and all the other not so flattering habits they may have, without feeling the need to change them.
Ellen Nyland is an Transitions Coach who helps navigate life's big and small forks in the road and is the author of the book "Life is Great Even When it Sucks" Contact Ellen for a free 30 min coaching session.
