How To Get Your Guy To Talk About His Feelings In 10 Easy Steps (Without Nagging!)

Men are like oysters: they are hard to open but when you have, you find his soft delicious side.

Are you doing the guessing game when it comes to your guy’s feelings? Does it look like he thinks he has a sign on his forehead that displays his thoughts therefore his feelings to you, and you should know what he wants and needs?

Yep I have been there, and I find that men have a hard time talking about their feelings, but don’t make the mistake in thinking that they don’t have any. They show their emotion through their behaviour and how they talk not necessary by what they say.

To get a guy talking about his emotional state of mind is like baking a cake: you need these 10 ingredients, mix them gently and then let it all sit and bake for a bit for the best result:

1. Be trustworthy: For men to open up they have to trust you first, so work on your relationship and show you can be trusted with his deepest emotions. Never use his own feelings that he shared with you in an later argument against him.

2. Treat him as an equal: He is not a child you need to guide, reprimand, or make decisions for. He is a full-grown man so treat him as an equal who knows his own mind.

3. Empathize what he does well: Men can be self-conscious and they need to hear affirmation from their partner on what they do well, this gives the message “you are still very important to me”, what will transition in trust and connection.

4. Ask powerful questions: Start a question with what, when or how, those are questions you give your guy the opportunity to say what he wants to say and you don’t put him on the defensive also he can’t answer them with just yes or no (what will annoy you to no end)

5. Don’t push the issues down his throat: Start the conversation gently and none- judgemental, let him set the pace on how fast he can start talking about the soft side of his life. But be firm as well, don’t let him run away from the conversation.

6. Pick the right time: You may talk easily about your feelings, but your guy needs more time to get in the right headspace. Pick a time you don’t have a lot of distractions or are under a time crunch.

7. Take him of guard: Start a conversation that is not necessary about “THE“ conversation. When you noticed he is relaxed you can bring up an issue that you like to discuss and not like “sit down now and we need to talk about A to Z and have all the answers right now.

8. Use diversity: When you noticed during your talk that he is getting aggravated, let the topic rest for a moment start talking about something else, and after the tension disappears you come gently back to the topic at hand.

9. Watch your body language: Make sure you are cool and collected, to talk about feelings is very difficult for your man and he needs to know that he is safe and not judged. Therefore, be aware to have an non-threating open body message and have an even loving tone of voice.

10. It’s not about you: Don’t make the talk about you, become curious on how he perceives certain issues and listen very carefully, even repeat back to him what you heard and ask if that is correct.

This may sound all very difficult and time consuming but your relationship is so worthy it, maybe if you keep the following metaphor it will go more smoothly for you.

Communication is a two-way street, but getting a guy talking about his feelings is like his side of the road is under construction; you need to do a lot of maneuvering around the potholes, you need to go slow, ready to hit the brakes, you need a lot of patience and a sense of humor to get through it.

Are you in a construction zone right now? Contact Ellen Nyland who is a Transitional Coach and author of the book “Life Is Great Even When It Sucks” and helps individuals and families navigate the big and small forks in the road.