6 Ways You Can Tell When You Have A Great Partner Or Friend
You can compare company with a bra; a good one lifts you up, and an ill fitted or bad one lets you down.
When cloths not fit right, a couch not sit right or a job not feels right, you do everything you can to change that situation. You buy different cloths, you trade in the couch and you are looking for another job. It is THAT simple. You pay attention to detail on how something should look and feel like and you are proud of your accomplishments.
You share your victory and then ......, your friends bash your ideas, crush your hopes and dreams and make you feel so insecure that you start second guessing yourself. But wait, stop; who is giving your friends or family so much power that you start to dismantle you're up-bate mood?
That is how neuron science works; you mirror back what emotion is presented to you. This counts for all range of emotion from happiness to anger. Take for example "Say Yes to the Dress" how often depends a bride on the entourage for approval of a dress? If they don't like it, she won't buy it. Or the opinion of your friends on a brand of car, the place you live or the partner you have. We all have opinions and like the share them with the people around us. It is something we all do and we can't escape it, but you can become aware of it and work with it.
It starts with picking great friends, and those are people who:
Don't gossip: Gossiping is trash talking about somebody who is not in the room. When someone is gossiping to you about someone else, you can count on it that this person gossips about you as well when you are not there. By engaging in gossip you reduce your accountability to be a trustful friend. People will share less and less with you out of fear that their inner trouble becomes water cooler talk. Therefore be careful what you share what a friend told you in confidence.
Don't complain: When you complain about everything, from the weather, to your diet, to your money situation and your family problems, you turn people away. People can handle only so much complaining, unless you have friends that complain with you. But then you will end up in a down warts spiral and you will view life in general as negative, it is then difficult to find joy in anything including your friends. It is better to tell your friends you only have to vent for a moment, that way you have your two minute rant without expecting agreement or pity.
Misery love company; so, STOP, pause don't get sucked into the drama: Choose the friends who lift you up when you are down or the once that push you out of your comfort zone and help you grow. Those are the friends you can count on when life really goes south and you need a shoulder to lean on. And they are there to championing you on when you want to achieve a long time dream.
Accept when your answer is NO: You may have the feeling that when a friend asks you to become engaged in a project or go somewhere with them, you always need to say yes. Think about the times you felt you had to choose between partner, friends, family, work and your me time; how often did you choose the "me time" and how you felt to let others down? Having personal boundaries is healthy and A OKAY, your friends know where you stand and they will respect your decision. In the long run you have more energy to do the things you love to do, including go out with the people you love.
Someone you can laugh with: When you make a mistake or a blooper you want to disappear and you may feel shame. A great friend can show you a different perspective and laugh with what you have done or said [ when you didn't intentional hurt someone]. It is freeing when you don't have to take life so serious, and a friend who helps you do that.
Be ready to let go of the people who hold you down: People are in our lives for a short or long time, and they all bring something to our lives. Have you noticed that when you are with certain people you feel drained, frustrated or let down all the time? You may ask yourself if those people really bring something wonderful into your life, or are they only just there and convenient? It is then really important to ask yourself: do I want this person in my life or is it better to let them go?
The letting go may seem very harsh, but you have to live with yourself, and you can't walk away from yourself. Therefore cutting people out who always talk negative and are of no support, is a self-preservation on your end. Because at one time or another in life we all need an listening ear and support, and if the people around you can't deliver that, than it is time to cut them out.
You become the company you keep; your joy and happiness depend on it.
Ellen Nyland is an Certified Life Coach that helps people find and develop their inner strength. For a free 30 min coaching session or for more information Contact Ellen Nyland.
