5 ways Shame Ruins Your Sex-Life, And 6 Steps How You Can Kick It Out Of The Bedroom
Who doesn't have sex?
Apparently our parents and children, Just the thought of those categories having sex drives us crazy, we don't want to be confronted with the fact that either parents or children are sexual active.
Even in this day of ages, sex is still a sensitive topic to talk about. Sure we joke and "brag" about it, but a serious conversation about it is still taboo. The moment we open up around sex, we show our most vulnerable side and because as a society we view sex as something dirty, low class or animal lust; we prefer to keep it under wraps. Since we can't talk openly on sex and our own sexuality, shame feelings are easily formed. The most common shame feelings regard:
Our body shape: we are either to fat, to thin, no breasts, penis size, six pack ect. Our perspective gets formed by information around us; adds, health magazines, the way we inform our youth. What we create is a view of the PERFECT person, if we don't fit the mold we're out, AND we shouldn't be sexual active. Where is this nonsense coming from?
Sex preferences: Talking about sex toys, bondage, role play just to name a few, is still judged and marked as filthy and only perverts like it. ????????
Sexual Orientation: Gays, lesbians, transgender's are still viewed as second class citizen, who should be "cured" and become normal. Who made us GOD that we can judge somebody else?
Society on sex: What we been taught by; parents, school, religion and media becomes our view on sexuality. When we look closely we will find that North America doesn't see the difference between nudity and porn [breastfeeding is covered in TV clip for example]
Past experience: When we have a negative sexual experience, we can start blaming ourselves that we are not good enough at it, and therefore not equipped for sexual activity.
We didn't have control on what we were taught when we were young about sexuality, but luckily now as an adult we can choose if we follow those teachings or not. We can free ourselves from the hold of shame by focusing on the next 6 points.
Love our self: We assume that we have self love, BUT we often do self betrayal. Self love is that we love all of our self, body, spirit and soul. Self portray is when we talk down on ourselves about the way we look or the failures we encounter. It is all regarding to look in the mirror and go "Tada " here I Am, I'm proud to be me. Beauty and sexuality shines from the inside out, know WHO you are and be proud of it.
Take care of our self: Carry our self with pride also means; dress with care, Taking care and pride in personal appearances [ nice hair cut, fitted and clean clothes, skin care.] This doesn't mean spending a fortune, just shop smart, you deserve it.
Be honest with our self: Have a sit down with our self and acknowledge who we are. Take care of our personal boundaries, what works for us and what not. This will help us to get in touch with our sexuality and it helps creating happiness and intimacy in all relationships.
Become clear on what you want: When you know what we want in the bedroom, we can communicate that with our partner and find a way to make it pleasurable for the both of us [even when it involves multiple people]. There is always information out there on the topics we may be interested in, nothing is weird when we have the same preferences.
Deal with the demons around sex perspective: Most of us have demons/ assumptions around sex, meet those head on; find out more and be gentle with ourselves. A non-judgmental therapist or life- coach [like myself] are great options for helping us getting over our fears.
Be picky about your sexual partner: Sex is a loving way of connecting with another person and ourselves. To have self love also means to say no to a person you don't feel a [sexual] connection with, or when we are not sure on the health risks this encounter brings. Make sure you are 100% behind your decision to have sex.
Sexuality is something very natural, let's embrace it and let us kick shame out of the bedroom for once and for all. You, me and everybody else are so worth it, let's give permission to ourselves and each other to enjoy sex.
For help or information on a health sex life contact Ellen Nyland
