7 Ways To Deal With Conflict
Conflict is inevitable ,in relationships. It already starts when we are young and have to share our toys. The older we get the more complicated the conflicts seems to become, this is due to our personal coping mechanism we develop over the years regarding fights. We mimic subconsciously also our parents and other adults in their coping skills.
The closer a person is, the more challenging it is to stay objective in an argument; often we use the same coping mechanism and therefore it becomes difficult to come to a solution. Here are some tricks we use: avoiding issues, dismissing it, being closed off, acting like a martyr or victim, attacking or being confrontational, anger.
Conflicts will always be part of our lives, but we have a choice on how we deal with them. Maybe one day we can see them as growing tools instead of an evil curse. The moment we learn how to deal with what is clashing with us, is the moment we embrace personal growth. Here are some defusing techniques you can use:
Take time out/ step away: In the heat of an argument we say or do things that we later regret. By taking time out you give yourself and the other time to think before you speak, however don't forget to come back to the issue later. This can be in an hour or in days, as long as you do.
Find common ground: Start with where you can agree on and go from there. Talk about one issue at the time don't drag the whole past in it.
Know your own coping mechanism: Chance the world start by yourself, that especially important by conflict. We can't chance somebody else only ourselves, know your starting point.
Find the under laying hurt: When we react, we got triggered, find out what made you react and deal with your personal hurt first don't take it out on the other because it is your interpretation.
Don't assume that you know where the other comes from: Assumptions are a killer in relationships let alone in conflict, it shut the door in creating a dialogue and curiosity.
Be curious, ask questions: The moment we ask open ended question [starting with what, when, how] we take away assumptions and accusations, now the other gets a change to response instead of defend.
Always focus on the love you feel towards to person you have a conflict with: We always want to be right. Maybe you are both right from the perspective you are in. Ask yourself is this issue worth fighting over?
Remember we need two to have a disagreement, we can't fight by ourselves. Own your part of the conflict, because we can only control what we think, say and do. What are you going to do next time in a conflict?
Want to argue about the statements above? Contact Ellen Nyland
